i'm a girl. we know this to be true. pretty rock solid on that one. but something about being a girlfriend kind of makes me.. weirdly uncomfortable. as much as i want to be babied and cared for and treated like some sweet thing, part of me kind of yearns for that normality, that anchor of a 'normal' relationship, a straight relationship. i'm a girl, but i kind of miss being the boyfriend.
it's such a warm role to me, for some reason? like i've always adamantly rejected manhood but being a girl's boyfriend? that's fun. being seen as cute but not in such a belittling way. getting a lot of attention and care but i'm not so diminished. to be cared for as an equal, if not more. i'm tired of being small lately. i miss being taller.
i want to be seen always with someone and everyone knows who i am because of her. the safety of always being recognised by association. always sitting together. not having to say too much if i don't want to. always being accepted. not being so scared she's going to run away from me, or replace me. a boyfriend is a solid. something assured. something people can rely on.
it's not like i can't take care of someone as a woman (and god do i not love doing it) but it still feels.. almost weirdly wrong. like i'm never in the right place.
let me be your boyfriend, i'll give you the world