darkness comes to help me believe
that we'll never again be together
it's weird to find such a debilitating loss in comfort when you lose something that wasn't actually that great or what you wanted, isn't it? that love can grow in such dark places would be endearing if it didn't just end up causing more pain in the long run.
but is it pain? or more anger that you didn't want to bridge that gap with me? that we could lift each other out of the dirt we found ourselves covered in. it's hard to balance these feelings as i fail to find comfort in the fact that i am now "free", in a sense to act how i wish. but it's not like people cut each other out that cleanly. like picking at a spot. i guess it's gone, but now where it was won't stop bleeding.
it makes you doubt everything that built your entire world, that the north star you believed was shining so brightly wasn't even close to the ceiling of possibility - it also makes you kind of pity what threw you away, like, really, that's what you want? to resign to a hugbox and stick your head in the sand.
we can't do much to protect those we love when they go rogue. and it hurts even more when they make you lose that love. but there is a comfort to this darkness. to this brief break from the neverending assault of one kind (although many others begin.)
i thrive in this dark. and i hope something else may someday come to hide with me. that we might produce a light stronger than anything either of us thought possible.